Perspective on the Road

I’m sitting in our van in country Ireland. The scenery we saw today was stunning; green rolling hills and sheer table-topped cliffs, with dark split rock ridges running down them, like crows-feet around the eyes of a weathered potato farmer.

The natural beauty of this land takes my breath away.

Sometimes I forget Tara has cancer.

If you just sat up a bit stiffer in your chair reading this, you just experienced a fraction of the jolt Tara or I feel when we remember. It’s not like she has a broken arm with a cast on it you can see. Her scars from surgery are no longer visible, buried under her rapidly growing hair.  It’s actually quite easy to momentarily forget she has an insidious tumour in her brain. But it’s there, for now at least.

But life rolls on, for both of us. And as strange as it sounds, it has enhanced our lives in many ways. We are eating healthier, we feel great, we are travelling through a continent that we’ve always wanted to see. We are literally on the trip of a lifetime. But it’s the little things too. You appreciate a good cup of tea, you relish snuggling under a doona with your partner while it rains outside. Every experience counts.

The point is, that hardship, of any kind, can be seen as something that improves your overall ‘being.’ How do you know you truly need someone until you face losing them? How do you truly understand how good it feels to walk down the street unless you’ve had to hobble on crutches for a month? How do you know that an amazing slice of pizza is actually amazing unless you’ve had a shitty slice at some point?

We need bad things to happen. We need hardships to serve as reference points to really know when the good stuff is on our doorstep. How much better does it feel to win a game of Scrabble against your brother when you’ve lost 5 times before that? Johnny?

The key thing about tough-times, is you learn a hell of a lot more when things are difficult. Easy street doesn’t teach you much. I was talking to a man back in Australia at a meditation session for trauma victims. He was in a wheelchair. He said his partner of 12 years left him a few months after the accident, because she couldn’t cope. I guess he really got to know the kind of person she was when the chips were down. I also have a good friend, whose husband was paralysed from the waist down after an accident. She has stayed with him through tough times, and I’ve never met a couple who appreciate each other more and I really respect that commitment. We learn more about ourselves and others though adversity. Even businesses, who survive a recession, come out leaner, meaner and readier to make the best of the boom years.

So next time you stub your toe, have a fight with your lover, make a mistake at work, hit your head on the door of your van, burn your toast or crash your car; remember it’s okay to be upset. It’s okay to have a shit day. Ups and downs are essential. If we only had up-times we’d get bored. If we only had up-times they wouldn’t even be up-times, they’d just be times. 

                                               Isn't that right Mr. Cow?